Parenting · The Journey

Daily Bread

 

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Give us this day our daily bread.  

There was once a time in my life that these words were foreign to me. Words that had to be learned before I exchanged vows in a church, in front of a God I didn’t yet know.  Words in a prayer that Jesus taught us to pray.  A prayer that so perfectly encompasses any struggle I may face, or need I may have.  When I don’t have the words, this prayer is always within reach.

Daily Bread.  Manna from heaven.  Provision.  Sustenance.

Little did I know when I wrote this post a week ago, about an unrelated “whisper”, that another whisper would become a clear and obvious shout.  My husband Josh and I have been feeling the nudge to foster again.  We’ve been chatting about when the timing would be right to renew our license, how nice it would be to have a baby to hold, and wondered how we would do being sleep deprived again.  But for some reason, we just knew we weren’t quite ready.  And then came the text…

Our 22 year old son, who we adopted at the age of 19, had hit rock bottom.  We knew this, but never felt it was right to let him live in our home with 4 other impressionable children.  The choices he has made have lead him to jail, unemployed, without a car, and bouncing around from couch to couch, often times at his biological mom’s house.  Even though it was gut wrenching to see him on this path, we knew it wasn’t the time to bring him home.

Without giving too much away, this last time he went to jail, we knew it was time.  We both woke up one morning feeling the nudge.  We offered our home to him, along with strict boundaries and an opportunity to better himself.  Long story short, after being released from jail, he went home…to his meth addicted bio mom.  He chose.

Then came the text.  “I can’t live like this anymore.  I’m ready”.

And then came the hard part.  Obedience.  Anxiety.  Fear.  Not just for me, but for all of us involved, including Tony.  I found myself clinging to a few short phrases to get me through the first couple of days.  “Your will, not mine.”  “Give us this day our daily bread.” 

There it was… Daily Bread.  Today.  Not tomorrow, not a week from now, or even next year.  Please God, give us what we need for today, in order to accomplish your will.  Show us how to love him today.  Show us what he needs today.  Teach us how to be his parents today.  And there, and only there, did I find peace and direction.

We are only 5 days in, still in the honeymoon period.  I’m not going to pretend I have any idea what we’re doing and for how long.  But God does.  His plan is always better that ours.  So I trust and give thanks for the bread that is given. img_5964

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